Powerful Restorative Conversations
A restorative conversation takes place after an incident and is an opportunity for everyone involved to come together, listen, reflect, and learn.
Within the Team Teach Stages of Distress and Support model, restorative conversations sit at the final stage, after crisis, recovery, and depression. The restoration stage is important because it allows people to move forward, find closure, and ensure that something positive can come from what has happened.
When these conversations are done well, they create space to repair and reconnect relationships. They remind us that feelings drive behaviours, and by exploring those feelings together, we reduce the chances of incidents repeating in the future.
Who takes part, and when?
Restorative conversations can happen in different ways. Sometimes, they are between a professional and the individual they support; sometimes, they are between colleagues. What matters most is that everyone has the chance to be heard and to feel validated.
Choosing the right time and place is key. A calm, neutral setting helps people share honestly without feeling rushed or under pressure. On occasion, a third party might also support the process, but this will need to be decided on a case-by-case basis.
Download our guide to setting up and structuring restorative conversations.
Getting ready for listening and learning
The timing of any restorative conversation is critical. It is unlikely to be successful immediately after an incident, as the people involved need time to move through the recovery and depression stages first.
Once everyone is ready, the environment should be prepared carefully. Comfortable seating without barriers, a space where interruptions won’t occur, and enough time set aside so it doesn’t feel squeezed in all make a difference. It’s also worth checking whether basic needs are met. If someone is tired, hungry, or restless, they may be less able to engage fully.
Reducing feelings of blame and shame
A restorative process only works if it feels safe and free of blame and guilt. The focus should never be on judging or targeting an individual, but on how to rebuild the relationship.
Body language plays a role here. Sitting side by side rather than face-to-face can feel less confrontational, and allowing people time to think and speak without interruption shows that their voice matters. Feelings of shame, guilt, or low self-worth are not uncommon during this stage, especially if someone has hurt another person they care about. The message we want to send is clear: we’re not here to punish; we’re here to learn and make sure things go differently next time.
Making the restorative conversation process accessible
Not everyone communicates in the same way, so we may need to adapt how the process looks. For some, role-play or puppets can help them retell events. Others may connect better through art or music. Visual supports such as photos and symbols can make the link between feelings and behaviours clearer. Social stories can prepare individuals for what to do if something similar happens again.
If appropriate, incorporating calming, familiar activities like gentle sensory play or modelling with playdough can help create the right atmosphere. The more we shape the process around an individual’s strengths and needs, the more powerful the outcomes.
Moving forward together
Restorative conversations don’t have to end with the discussion itself. Finding opportunities for those involved to do something positive together can strengthen trust and help relationships feel safer.
At the same time, it’s important to reflect on what we’ve learned and consider whether any changes are needed to an Individual Support Plan. Adding new strategies, recognising potential triggers, and sharing this updated plan with staff, the individual, and their family or carers, ensures that post-incident learning is put into practice.
The power of restoration
Taking part in a restorative conversation isn’t always easy. It asks us to reflect on mistakes and confront difficult feelings. But when handled with sensitivity, restorative conversations turn those challenges into opportunities for growth.
They give us the chance to listen, understand, and rebuild stronger relationships. And ultimately, they remind us that when we work together, even after difficult moments, positive change is always possible.
