5 Common Myths About Behaviour
When it comes to children and young people, it can sometimes feel as though their behaviour is deliberate; that they are choosing to behave in a certain way. And this can be reflected in the language we use. Phrases like, ‘challenging behaviour’, ‘kicking off’ and ‘attention-seeking’ are not uncommon in some settings and services.
But what if behaviour is not a choice? What if there is something else at play that is influencing the behaviour of a child or young person on a subconscious level?
Thanks to neuroscience, we now understand so much more about what drives behaviour beneath the surface. And it might just be the case that our knowledge of brain structure and brain development can help us bust a few common behaviour myths.
Myth 1: “They’re just being naughty.”
Truth: Behaviour is communication.
What can sometimes look like defiance, rudeness, or aggression is often simply an automatic response to stress, rather than a deliberate choice. When a child feels overwhelmed, unsafe, or dysregulated, their brain can go into survival mode, leading the nervous system to trigger the ‘fight, flight, freeze, flop, or fawn’ reaction. That’s not naughtiness; that’s the nervous system asking for help.
Myth 2: “They’re old enough to control themselves by now.”
Truth: The brain develops gradually, especially the areas responsible for self-control.
The prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for reasoning, impulse control, and decision-making, doesn’t reach an adult state until an individual’s mid-20s. This means that many children and teens don’t have the brain architecture yet to pause, plan, or self-regulate in the same way as adults can. And if their brain development has been affected by trauma, ACEs, or attachment issues, this may further explain why they find it challenging to control their emotions and responses.
Myth 3: “They’re behaving like this for attention.”
Truth: Attention-seeking is connection-seeking.
Children who have experienced trauma, neglect, or insecure attachment may not have had consistent, nurturing attention. What can look like ‘attention-seeking’ is often a desperate need for connection and reassurance. Instead of ignoring it, we can respond with empathy and compassion and build strong, trusting relationships, to help them feel safe.
Myth 4: “That behaviour came out of nowhere!”
Truth: There’s always something happening underneath.
Behaviour might seem sudden or unexplained, but often it builds up beneath the surface. Stress, sensory overload, unmet needs, or emotional triggers are just some of the factors that can cause a child or young person to become dysregulated. Without the tools to manage or regulate their feelings, they may experience strong emotional outbursts and engage in behaviour that needs support. An effective brain-aware practice can help us spot early signs of dysregulation so that we can intervene early and avoid crisis
Myth 5: “Their behaviour will never change.”
Truth: The brain can change through relationships and repetition.
Thanks to the concept of neuroplasticity, we know that, with time, patience, repetition, and support, the brain can grow, adapt, and rewire. Unhealthy habitual behaviours can be overridden and replaced. Children learn best when they feel safe, connected, and understood, so it is our responsibility as committed, caring practitioners to support all children and young people with this process of change and growth.
Want to go deeper?
If this blog has you rethinking your approach to behaviour support, you’re not alone.
Our CPD-certified online course, Behaviour and the Brain, takes you deeper into the science, enabling you to:
✔ Understand what’s really driving the behaviours you see
✔ Respond with confidence and consistency
✔ Build safer, calmer, and more connected environments
Whether you’re in education, healthcare, or social care, this course will shift your perspective and give you the tools to truly support the children and young people in your care.
Ready to learn more?
Let’s stop managing behaviour and start understanding it. You bring the heart. We’ll bring the science.
